Supporting Your Child After an Attempt

Immediately After an Attempt

If your child was seen at the hospital, a written plan with information about after-care, safety and finding and setting up follow-up services should have been included as part of discharge. If you are home with your child and you didn’t receive answers to all your questions, it’s not too late to contact the emergency department or inpatient staff and ask them.

If you were not seen at a hospital, have insurance benefits and would like to connect your child to a mental health provider, call your insurance plan for benefit information and, if needed, a referral. Psychology Today can be a useful resource when searching for a therapist. For individuals who are uninsured or who need assistance determining next steps, contact the Clackamas County Crisis and Support Line at 503-655-8585 for assistance.

It is normal for parents or caregivers to feel worried, scared or not feel ready for what happens next. A recent suicide attempt, overdose or mental health crisis may affect your relationship with your child. You may feel awkward, anxious or more protective. You may not be thinking as clearly as you would under less stressful circumstances. Your child may feel angry, embarrassed or avoid you. Let them know that it is okay to talk to you but don’t ask a bunch of questions, especially not “why” questions, such as “Why did you do that?”

Say how you feel and, as hard as it might be, just listen. It can be hard and frightening to hear someone talk about their thoughts of suicide. You can let them know it is hard for you to hear their pain, but that you know it is important they have someone to talk to. If you are not ready to hear their thoughts or they don’t want to share with you, encourage them to talk to someone else if they have new thoughts of suicide. Discuss who this person or people may be.

Recovery is a Process

“My loved one is home from the hospital. Does that mean they are better?”

It is important to remember that the recovery process is different for everyone. There is no play book for this journey. The first six months after being seen at the hospital are especially critical to the suicide attempt survivor’s recovery, and the risk for suicide remains elevated for an even greater period of time.

Don’t be discouraged by what may seem like setbacks or slow progress — this may all be part of the recovery process. It is important for you to openly communicate with your child to establish a reasonable and balanced plan to stay safe when thoughts of suicide arise. These conversations can occur with the help of a treatment provider, other trusted family support or even through creative ways such as letter writing. One size does not fit all so don’t rule out creative ways to have hard but crucial conversations that work for you and your family.

There are some things that you can do that will help your child’s recovery:

Establish a Routine: Promote regular bedtime and mealtimes, minimal expectations for chores and homework and intentional connection with friends and family.

School: If they can do homework or if they are up to going to school (and everyone involved determines that is safe and appropriate), this is great. This isn’t the time to pressure your child around attendance and grades. All this being said, when your child is preparing to return to school, contact the school and request their support with the transition back into school, no matter if your child misses one day or 14 days. Schools are able to provide support but don’t know to do so unless this is communicated to them.

Be Present: You will want to keep a close eye on your child even if they say they want to be left alone or that they are feeling much better. This may mean asking them to stay in eyesight, having them shadow you on errands, or even having them sleep on the floor in your/their room. This is not punishment; it is for their safety. Additionally, during their crisis, your child may have perceived themselves as being alone, or a burden to you and the others who love them. For the first few weeks, ask how you can best support them, and stay connected. If they want to talk, listen without judgment. Don’t try to solve anything. Just make yourself available. If they have difficulty talking to you, help them to connect with others.

Ensure a Safe Environment: This is a time to make sure things such as medications and firearms are secured in a way that prevents unauthorized access. There may be other things, such as knives and sharps, that also need to be secured in the home depending on your child’s situation. Parents may believe that their guns are adequately “hidden” or that their kids would never use them in a suicide attempt. A study investigating firearm suicide and gun ownership found that for youth ages 18 and under, 79% used a firearm belonging to a family member.

Help Create a Safety Plan: Having a safety plan that addresses what puts your child at risk and how to cope with these risk factors is an essential part of their recovery. Support them in creating their safety plan using templates such as this one from SAMHSA.

Get Connected to Support for Yourself

When navigating next steps after your child's suicide attempt, you may feel lost and alone, scared, overwhelmed by the task of helping your child, and in shock. Just like your child, you and your family need support. It's important that you consider seeking help and taking steps to care for yourself. Consider these resources:

Knowing How to Talk with Others About the Crisis

People in your life may not know what to say following a suicide attempt. They may say things that are not helpful, or they may even avoid discussing it with you. They also may be incredibly supportive and kind. Before talking to anyone else, sit down with your child to discuss who can be told about what happened and how much of the story to tell. Ask your child what they may want you to say if asked about the suicide attempt. People may be interested in what happened and, specifically, ask you details about "how" (the method) the attempt was made. We know that how we communicate about suicide can increase risk among vulnerable individuals so it is important to stay away from details and descriptions of how the suicide attempt was made and follow guidelines for safe communication.

If your child does not want to tell anyone, discuss the thoughts and emotions behind their desire to keep the suicide attempt private. They may not want to share all their reasons with you and that is okay. Accept their feelings and be up-front that you may need to tell others for your own support. See if you can find a part of the story your child is willing to share. This story may be different depending on who is asking.

Talking with Family Members

Talking with family members is different than talking to others in your community. Siblings, including infants and toddlers, usually sense when something happens and may be confused, afraid, or upset. Older children may even feel like they did something wrong. Make sure to emphasize that no one is at fault. Discuss the safety plan with them and how it applies to each person in the family. Tell them what they can do or say that will help support your child and the rest of the family.

Talking openly with family members about the suicide attempt and suicide in general can help them understand their feelings and reactions and get over feelings of guilt. Knowing how to talk about suicide or crisis events in a way that is appropriate for the developmental age of each child is very important. Seek help from your health care provider for advice and resources on how to talk about suicide attempts with young children. For more tips on talking with young children, visit the Oregon Health Authority's guide for parents and caregivers.

Talking with Others Outside Your Family

Again, how we communicate about suicide is very important. Consider these tips for talking with others outside your family:

Try to stay connected to your community. People may be interested in what happened and may ask you specific details about the event such as what method was used. Move the conversation away from the details of the suicide attempt. Focus it on things that connect you to your community, encourage help-seeking, promote resiliency and hope. Help other parents talk to their children about suicide and suicidal thoughts. Provide resources to them that may be useful ot have these conversations.
Encourage other young people in your community to seek help. Your child’s friends may feel confused or have any number of emotions. They may feel like they could have done something to prevent the suicide attempt. Encourage them to talk with someone who can help them process their reactions and feelings.
Talk to a Family Support Specialist. Conversations about suicide, particularly your concerns and experiences, can be complicated. A Family Support Specialist can help because many of them have had similar things happen in their family. They can listen as a source of nonjudgmental support, provide validation, offer insights and coach you through difficult conversations. They can also connect you with other helpful resources, training and expertise. There is no cost to this resource. To find your local Family Support Specialist, visit Reach Out Oregon or call 1-833-732-2467.